It’s another new year for a fresh start, right? We need to make this year better than the last—with “healthy” habits, getting rid of negativity, and only positive vibes!
We often have this dialogue with ourselves, especially when the new year rolls around: “This is the year I’ll finally commit and work on my problems.” Many therapists and therapy offices see an influx of client requests in January for this exact reason. People want to “finally” commit to change. I’m sure gyms experience the same thing, and weight loss programs likely depend on the new year for subscribers who want to “achieve” their goals.
As a therapist for eight years, I’ve noticed a pattern: clients enter therapy in January wanting to change and set broad, often rigid goals. When we dig deeper, it becomes clear they’ve set these goals in a very black-and-white way. The formula almost always involves adding or eliminating something: “I want to do ____ more,” or “I want to lose ____.” You probably thought about weight when reading that last one—because it’s usually the case!
Let me be clear: I’m not opposed to people setting goals! I think it’s great when people strive for change and want to improve their lives. I always support my clients’ goals. But what’s hard to observe is the pain, turmoil, and suffering some go through to achieve these goals—or the defeat they feel when goals aren’t reached, whether that’s in the middle of the year or at the end.
For example, I’ve had clients set a goal to journal more. A month or two might pass, and they haven’t journaled at all. “Well, I guess that goal is shot…”
No! No, it’s not! You can still journal—even if it’s December 31st and you haven’t picked up a pen since February. Journaling “more” doesn’t mean every day or even every week. If we approach this goal with a gray perspective instead of black-and-white, it simply means you’re trying to prioritize something you hadn’t before.
The big takeaway here is that you don’t have to wait until the new year to work on something. And if you set a resolution and realize in March that it’s unrealistic—that’s good! Your past self didn’t know what your current self does. You can adjust the goal to make it more achievable.
Don’t suffer in thinking you’ve failed! A huge problem with goal setting is the black-and-white mindset: we either achieve the goal, or we fail. And when we fail, we feel like poo. That feeling can lead to self-sabotage, where we throw up our hands and think, “What’s the point now?”
I strongly recommend rethinking the terms “resolutions” or “goals.” These words lock us into that black-and-white mindset. Instead, let’s call them “intentions.” Intentions allow for flexibility. After all, do you really know how your year will pan out? Did any of us see 2020 coming? By March of that year, most of my “intentions” were completely shot—and I’m sure I wasn’t alone!
Setting intentions gives us room to adapt to the unexpected or to barriers we didn’t initially anticipate.
Since we’re changing the language, let’s also change the timing. You don’t have to wait to set intentions! Waiting can reinforce poor habits. If you recognize a need for change now, why wait until the calendar flips to January?
If you’re past the middle of the year and need support—ask for help! If it’s November and the holidays are getting to you, don’t take the punches. Yes, getting started is hard, but why do we think January is the “perfect time” to change? That belief has likely been ingrained in us for years, creating a vicious cycle: acknowledging the need for change, preparing for it, attempting it, stopping, and then reverting to old habits.
Now, not every resolution falls through, but often, they’re not fully met. This often goes back to not knowing what the year will hold or understanding the barriers to our goals.
Here are key ways to set intentions with room to breathe:
Let’s expand on that third point: no one likes a bully, right? If you think self-criticism is working for you, contact me (Sina), and we’ll chat. Otherwise, no—it’s not helpful. If you spoke to others the way you speak to yourself, you’d probably be very unliked. Your critical voice sets you up for failure with its mean and unrealistic standards.
Here are examples of intentions that incorporate those three points:
And remember: you can always change your intentions if they’re achieved, if barriers arise, if
they’re no longer relevant, or if you simply want to adjust them. They’re yours, and you have the power to make them work for you.
And, as always, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Here at The Intuitive Eating Center of Ohio, we’d love to support you in setting and achieving your intentions. You’re the driver; we’re just along for the ride, helping to guide when needed. We hope you have a great new year and look forward to hearing from you soon!
We are a private practice in Ohio offering in person and virtual nutrition and psychotherapy services for Intuitive Eating and eating disorders.
216-395-4118
24500 Center Ridge Road
Westlake OH
serving all of Ohio virtually
Virtual and in person nutrition & psychotherapy services in Ohio for intuitive eating & eating disorders.
You are welcome here regardless of age, race, ability, size and gender identity.
